Dr. Jonathan and Bethany Fishbein. Photo courtesy of Dr. Fishbein.
Lessons learned from working with a spouse
By Bethany Fishbein, OD
Feb. 6, 2026
Valentine’s Day feels like a natural time to celebrate relationships.
I have spent the last 25 years working alongside my husband, Jonathan. Choosing to cold start a practice together wasn’t always a dream or even a goal of ours (probably because Jonathan ironically “doesn’t do goals”). But in late 2000, the stars aligned and choosing to open a practice together felt like the right path. What we didn’t yet understand was that working with someone you love doesn’t soften the challenges of leadership and ownership. In many cases, it intensifies them.
The Upside—and the Cost of Working with a Spouse
Just to be clear—it has been wonderful. We genuinely enjoy working together. We share context, relationships and an immediate understanding of each other’s work demands. That means we know the people in each other’s work stories and can immediately relate to each other without needing backstory or explanation.
One of the best and most valuable aspects of working with a spouse or any true business partner is the level of trust that comes from knowing they are acting in the best interest of the business because it’s theirs too. There’s a shared sense of ownership and a knowing that decisions are made with the long term success of the business in mind.
But it’s also really tough. Sometimes there is no clean line between “work” and “home.” Stress carries from one to the other. Tension in either area can spill out and affect the people around you. And the emotional stakes of every decision feel higher because what’s at risk is not only your own success but the success and well-being of someone you care deeply about. Having a bad month in business is one thing. You having a bad month, while feeling like you’ve disappointed your spouse, who is also upset because he’s having a bad month (while maybe also feeling like he’s let you down) is a whole different animal.
The Consulting Connection
As I started consulting, I expected to see these dynamics primarily in husband-and-wife practices. But as I worked with more practices, I saw the same patterns show up just as clearly in practices where owners had close, caring partnerships with business partners, associates or longstanding practice managers. The jokes I’d hear about “needing couples counseling” weren’t really jokes. Instead, they were acknowledgements that the skills that make a marriage successful (communication, clarity of roles, trust and ability to manage conflict and hard times) are the same skills that make a business partnership successful as well.
When Care Prevents Communication
One of the earliest lessons I learned working with my spouse was how good intentions can get in the way of honest communication. Whether it’s a spouse or a business partner or manager you care deeply about, it often feels easier to avoid or put off conversations that might feel uncomfortable or hurtful and easy to rationalize that you’re doing so to avoid hurting someone you love and protect the relationship. In business partnerships (and in marriage, too) those unspoken issues don’t disappear. They simmer under the surface building up until they eventually explode with anger and resentment, creating way more hurt and damage than the initial feedback would have.
A facilitator we worked with introduced us to the “One Thing” exercise, which we used with our partners and practice leaders. In this exercise, each person shares one thing they really admire or appreciate about each of the others. Then they follow that with one thing they wish the person would start doing or stop doing to be even more effective. Creating space for this feedback allowed people to voice concerns that otherwise might have continued simmering beneath the surface. Interestingly, most of us found it was easier to receive feedback than to give it. That made us realize that the real barrier wasn’t about how the feedback might be received. It was the discomfort of giving it in the first place.
Bringing Personal Roles Into Professional Life
Another dynamic that I’ve recognized over time was how personal roles bleed into professional ones. Many people bring the same characteristics into leadership that we bring into life. If you’re the planner, the one who always sees what can go wrong or the devil’s advocate in your family, you’re probably that in your practice as well. That can be exhausting.
One thing I learned about myself is that I have an automatic impulse to try and solve problems. Jonathan would share a frustration at the end of the day. I’d either take it personally thinking it was “my fault” because I hired that person or set up that system or would jump into fix-it mode. I had to learn that not every work-related conversation was a performance review or request for action. Sometimes it was just a husband venting to his wife at the end of the day. We learned to pause and ask “are you looking for help, or are you just venting?” This small but meaningful shift helped us in our personal and business dynamic.
Outgrowing Informal Conversation
As our practice grew and additional partners became part of the business, we also had to learn to adjust our communication to include them. Early on, many decisions were made in informal conversations at home. This worked for the two of us, but wasn’t fair or sustainable once others were involved. We had to become more formal and intentional about saving the big work conversations for when we could include our partners. This applies not only to partnership, but to growing practices as well. One of the biggest pitfalls I see is practice owners not communicating their vision to the leaders they are entrusting with decision-making in the business.
Caring More = Leading Better
The biggest thing I’ve learned is that emotional closeness can greatly enhance a professional relationship. But it can also be messy and requires ongoing work.
Having someone to brainstorm through a challenge feels far less lonely. Celebrating success with someone you care about is more meaningful and fun than doing it on your own.
The best relationships aren’t sustained by avoiding discomfort. They’re sustained and strengthened by consistently working on the skills you need to navigate the relationship well. When care is paired with clear communication and a willingness to talk about the tough stuff, relationships can become a source of great strength for both the people involved and the business.
Read more insights from Dr. Fishbein here.
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Bethany Fishbein, OD, is a practice owner, practice management consultant and certified executive coach. She can be reached at bethany@leadersofvision.com |
