The Quiet Grief of Childhood Glasses: Understanding Parents’ Feelings

Photo courtesy of Dr. Laurie Sorrenson, who shares tips on sensitively interacting with parents of first-time glasses wearers. Pictured here is Dr. Sorrenson’s optician Bethany fitting a colleague’s child with glasses.

Sensitively interacting with parents of first-time glasses wearers

By Laurie Sorrenson, OD, FAAO

Oct. 1, 2025

After talking to my colleague and friend, Oliver Lou, OD, about how parents react when their child needs glasses, he suggested I get the perspective of his wife and clinical psychologist, Julia Lou, PhD. Throughout this article I’ve integrated her insights with my own firsthand observations as a clinician.

WHEN I REALIZED IT’S A BIG DEAL

I remember the moment my technician handed me the chart. First, I saw the autorefractor reading +12.50 with about two diopters of cylinder in each eye. Then I saw the patient’s age—3 years old. Finally, I looked at the name. To my surprise, it was the son of one of my best friends.

I knew this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. What I didn’t understand then was how much my friend’s reaction—and that of many parents—resembled a grieving process. Dr. Lou pointed me to renowned family therapist Pauline Boss’s concept of “ambiguous loss,” which describes the distress that arises when an expected future is compromised while the individual remains. Ambiguous loss creates lingering uncertainty and unsettled expectations rather than closure.

Time and again, I’ve seen parents react this way, especially when they’re told their very young child or child with a high prescription needs glasses. For us clinicians, glasses are a practical fix. But for parents, glasses can feel like the loss of something much bigger—the expectation of perfect health, a sense of normalcy and an uncomplicated childhood. Parents might apologize, saying, “It’s silly to be upset—it’s just glasses.” But as Dr. Lou explained, what they’re really mourning is the loss of the future they had imagined for their child.

Recognizing and understanding this framework helps clinicians acknowledge the very real emotions parents experience and lead with empathy.

LET PARENTS GO THROUGH THE EMOTIONS

Shock and Denial

Back to my story. My friend’s initial reaction was disbelief. “He’s only three. Are you sure?” Denial is common, especially when parents haven’t noticed any obvious signs at home. Children rarely complain because they don’t know what “normal” vision looks like and often adapt to whatever they can see. Young children especially lack the words to describe blurriness or visual distortion, and they may compensate in subtle ways that parents overlook. Because the change can be gradual and hard to quantify, parents may not recognize their child’s vision problem until it affects schoolwork, play or coordination, or until the child is screened.

The American Optometric Association says that one in four children has an undetected vision disorder¹, often only revealed during screenings or comprehensive eye exams. That makes the diagnosis even more surprising, leaving parents blindsided and, at times, in denial.

Guilt and Self-Blame

Not long after came the guilt. My friend wondered if she could or should have noticed sooner or done something different. I repeatedly see this in clinical practice. Even when a condition is beyond their control, parents tend to internalize responsibility and blame as a way to protect their child, Dr. Lou notes.

Research published in Clinical Ophthalmology indicates that early-onset, high refractive errors are largely genetic, not environmental². Still, feeling guilty is a natural human response. Validating those feelings while providing clear information and the next practical steps helps move the conversation from self-blame to constructive care.

Sadness and Fear

Sadness often follows. My friend worried that her son might be teased, singled out or perceived as “different” for wearing glasses. Her concern was palpable—fear of social stigma, lost opportunities and an uncertain future for her son.

These concerns are not always unfounded. Children with strong prescriptions may be at a higher risk for anxiety and self-esteem issues. Addressing these worries directly, rather than dismissing or minimizing them, helps parents feel heard and supported.

Acceptance and Adjustment

Eventually, parents should reach a place of acceptance. For my friend, the option of a second opinion—which she considered but didn’t pursue—restored her sense of control and helped her move toward acceptance. Evidence helps too. The National Eye Institute has confirmed that correcting vision early significantly improves learning, attention and confidence³. Sharing this research (and more) reframes glasses as an opportunity—not a loss—and shifts the conversation toward constructive care.

Acceptance doesn’t eliminate the sadness, as Dr. Lou reminded me. Those feelings may resurface at school photos, playground teasing or milestones. Ultimately, however, glasses become part of the child’s identity, not a threat to it.

MOVING FORWARD AS CLINICIANS

Feelings of overwhelm and loss in these moments are natural. It’s grieving an imagined reality and reluctantly adapting to a new one. Some parents move quickly through the stages, while others linger longer in denial, guilt or sadness. In my experience, most parents pass through these phases to varying degrees and at different paces. After all, we’re only human.

Beyond medical care, clinicians can support families emotionally by:

• Acknowledging feelings of loss, guilt and sadness, instead of minimizing them.
• Naming the experience as a kind of loss and validating their reactions.
• Encouraging mixed emotions—relief, sadness and hope can coexist.
• Reframing glasses as a positive. Let parents know research has confirmed that correcting vision early can significantly improve learning, attention and confidence.

As optometrists, prescribing glasses is something we do every day. But for parents, that first diagnosis can be a very big deal. When we recognize and validate those emotions, we help families feel supported and less alone. And in doing so, we not only become better clinicians but also better humans.

Thanks to Dr. Julia Lou for her input!

Read another column by Dr. Sorrenson here.

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