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Uncovering hidden insights through honest feedback
By Bethany Fishbein, OD
March 12, 2025
Most people hesitate to tell you the full truth—especially if that truth is uncomfortable, critical or if they assume you don’t really want to hear it.
Whether it’s employees, colleagues, or even patients, there’s always a gap between what people are thinking and what they’re actually saying. And that gap is often where the most valuable insights are hiding.
One Simple Question
Imagine if people would just tell you what they’re actually thinking. Lately, I’ve been using one simple question to uncover those insights:
“What do I need to know that people aren’t telling me?”
I don’t remember where I first heard it, but I do know this: it’s one of the most powerful leadership tools I’ve ever used.
Why This Question Works
Most feedback loops are broken before they even begin, because most people don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so they don’t say things they wish they could.
Employees don’t want to throw anyone under the bus or risk burning bridges. Patients don’t want to complain. Colleagues don’t want to rock the boat. And as a result, valuable information stays buried under politeness, hesitation or fear of consequences.
This question cuts through all of that. It signals that you genuinely want the real answer—even if it’s uncomfortable. It removes the pressure to frame feedback in a “safe” way and gives people permission to share what they otherwise wouldn’t.
And when they do? That’s where real growth happens.
Where I’ve Used It
I first started using this as a one-question exit interview.
We recently had a loyal long-term employee leave on good terms to pursue her education. She was well-liked by the rest of the staff and was known for always being happy and positive, regardless of what was going on around her.
Although she was always vocal in check-ins and meetings, her comments were always complimentary, giving the impression that everything was just fine and everyone was trying their best.
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My business partner and I met with her together on her next-to-last day. Instead of running through a standardized “exit interview checklist,” we told her how much we appreciated all she had done and that we knew that she always wanted the best for the practice… and then we asked:
“What do we need to know that people aren’t telling us?”
I could almost see the wheels spinning in her head. She took a visible breath and started, “I was thinking this week about whether I was going to say something…”
And in the minutes that followed, we learned her unfiltered perspective on how a few specific things in the office were affecting not only her, but our entire team. They were things we were aware of and thought we were addressing – but hearing it from the mouth of someone who was impacted on a daily basis hit us in a completely different way, and gave a different urgency to the actions we were taking to correct the situations.
Since then, I’ve used this question in many ways, and have asked others to use it as well.
Some of the Things this Question Has Uncovered
A practice where patients are calling frequently to cancel glasses orders after they’ve placed them.
A practice manager who feels their team is avoiding interaction.
A doctor with a specialty practice who gets a referral or two from a colleague, who then doesn’t refer again.
A client navigating a leadership challenge, trying to understand why office culture and morale aren’t where they should be.
Every time it’s been used, the “asker” has learned something they wouldn’t have otherwise. Sometimes, it was a small operational issue they had no idea existed. Other times, it revealed patterns—things multiple people felt, but hadn’t voiced. And sometimes, it confirmed suspicions that someone already had, but needed to hear out loud.
When There’s No One to Ask, Ask Yourself
Sometimes, though, there isn’t an obvious person to ask. Or maybe the people who could tell you aren’t around long enough to do so.
Lately, we’ve had a few new hires in a row be unusually unreliable— one ghosted after her second day. At first, it was easy to chalk it up to bad luck, but when the pattern repeated, we had to stop and ask ourselves– “What do we need to know that no one is telling us?”
Are we missing something in our hiring process? Are we unintentionally setting the wrong expectations? Is our on-boarding experience making people feel disconnected or uncommitted right from the start?
When no one is around to give you the answer, you have to be willing to dig for it yourself. Step outside of your own assumptions, look at the problem from different angles and try to put yourself in the mindset of new employees to understand what they might be thinking and what might be causing this pattern.
Just like asking others, this kind of self-inquiry only works if you’re truly open to hearing an uncomfortable answer.
Ask the tough questions… get the tough answers.
Of course, asking this question means you’re opening the door to hearing things that probably won’t feel great to hear. That’s the point. How you respond determines whether people will be willing to be honest with you again.
Here are pointers to help with your response to getting uncomfortable information:
- Show gratitude. Even if the answer is uncomfortable, say, “I really appreciate you sharing this with me.”
- Pause before reacting. If you don’t have a response, that’s OK. If your first instinct is defensiveness, fight it. “I need to give that some thought” is a valid answer.
- Ask open-ended follow-up questions. If the feedback is vague, dig deeper: “Can you give me an example?”
- Act on what you learn. If people see you actually making changes based on their honest feedback, they are more likely to give it again.
The most important things you need to know about your business, your team and even yourself are often the things people aren’t saying out loud.
All you have to do is ask.
Bethany Fishbein, OD, is a practice owner, practice management consultant and certified executive coach. She can be reached at bethany@leadersofvision.com
